Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize