I could have mohawked her pubes.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
