corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
