its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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