I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's never too late to be topless.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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