New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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