I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
