What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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