i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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