I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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