I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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