Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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