duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
