Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
