The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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