Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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