I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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