My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
