no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
