I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
