I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
