we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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