just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
