His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
