Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
