so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
