i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
40s are totally the cure
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
