I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
