we made out on top of his cat.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
