Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
