I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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