I'm pants shitting drunk right now
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize