omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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