My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
