I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
