My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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