She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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