just come out here and I will go home with you...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
