My room smells like vodka and shame
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
