You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
