How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
