when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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