His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
