I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Too much gin, very little bucket
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
