Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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