I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
