I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
