If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
