I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
