oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
