never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
our cab driver is having phone sex.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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