so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
