Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
