Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
