Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
