don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
