bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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