That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
