i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
