I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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