i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
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I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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