I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
