How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
