Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
